My Second Wind - Life Begins After Divorce

Today I signed the papers that will get officially stamped in court and I won't be a Mrs. anymore. His signature was there first, but thankfully, I didn't have to see him do it.

I wonder, was he as rattled as I was? I'm sure that he was alone with the lawyer as he scribbled his name on papers that would permanently change his life. Granted, it wasn't his first time doing something like this and it was his idea. But to be so willing to throw 25 years away? Did he have questions? Did he have regrets? Did he wonder what if?

I wasn't alone today. I'm never alone. I am so grateful. So much love in my heart. I am surrounded by it. One of the many good things about this whole thing is how I was IMMEDIATELY surrounded by love. My bff's were there today and they were there instantly when I called that first day. My parents were there; hell, my dad 'had a feeling' and insisted they come home earlier from vacation. They knew I needed them. My kids have been incredibly supportive of me even through what I'm sure they have been through with their own feelings and heartache about this situation.

None of us asked for this. He just decided to walk away one day. This post and this day is not about him nor about his decisions. After everything is said and done, it has been for the best. My life was turned upside down and broken, but as the saying goes, "that's how the light gets in".

It's fall here. I love the summer's heat and lazy days. But the beauty of fall...and the significance of letting what has served it's purpose die so that new life can begin in the spring, that isn't lost on me today.

There are a lot of trees where I grew up. I love to go out and 'visit' them when I go home to see my Mom and Dad. Many of the trees where I grew up are poplar trees. Their leaves are always changing every year and the trees themselves don't live for very long - 20 years or so. Many of the trees I played among when I was little have long blow over from the wind and the need to make room for the younger ones.

My father is a very conscientious caretaker of the land. He is always out there, cleaning up deadfall. This helps the cows move more easily through the bush, but it is also to make more room for the young trees to grow tall and continue the cycle. I'm thinking about that today and the 25 years I spent with my now ex-husband.

Like the trees on the farm, we grew tall and strong together. We built a life. We learned, we laughed and on many windy days, we struggled to stay standing up. There were days we had to bend. Some of branches broke off and we weren't the same afterwards, but we kept growing anyway. Our saplings grew tall and strong along side us. We just kept reaching for the sky.

Eventually though, our time came to an end. The wind blew but this time, we came crashing down. I thought it would be the end of me. I was wrecked. I was nothing without my tall and strong tree.

But down here, back on earth, I can see all that was nurturing me as I grew. My family is the earth where I came from. My children and grandchildren are the sun that bring so much light into my life. My friends are all around me, supporting me as my new little tree begins to grow again, protecting me from the wind and rain until I'm strong enough again on my own.

Kind of a strange comparison and direction this post has taken. I can get weird sometimes! If you've stuck around this long to read this post, I thank you!

All this to say, I welcome you to my "Second Wind"! This is the first of many posts about my post-divorce life. I plan on sharing some of my journal writings over this past year and of being suddenly single and how life expands from here.

I used to be a runner and have done many long distance runs and cycling events. There's always a 'second wind'. That moment when you think that you just can't go any further...and then you do. It doesn't matter why. You just do. You get your Second Wind and you can go on. That's what this is for me.

My wish is that this website and The Second Wind Society become a space for all women to find inspiration, courage and strength to find their own "Second Wind".

Welcome to the next phase of your life. Who's with me?

Image by Zbigniew Milewski from Pixabay