In the beginning of 2024, I discovered a blog post about the 100 Must Do's for the newly independent woman. I was inspired to take the idea and run with it.
I spent time tweaking the list and got input from my BFF's. Many of the things on the list were easy to do, but a lot of them were not. There are still some unchecked items on there, but I love the idea so much, I've already been planning my next one.
My list has some fairly specific things that are easily attainable, like "Buy new sheets." There are other things that are not as specific, and are actually kind of hard for me. Things like: "Stop apologizing." That is not an easy one.
I think the biggest reason that I apologize so much is that I still haven't come to terms with the fact that sometimes, even at 54 years old, I feel like a disappointment to others. Various personality tests that I've taken always link my personality to people-pleasing in some way. Thus, the apologies because I am constantly looking to make sure that everyone is happy with what I am doing. The people-pleasing.
However, here in my Second Wind, I think it's time to allow that the only person I need to apologize to is myself. There is absolutely no way that I can keep everyone happy all the time. One of the things that I've learned this year is that no matter how hard I tried to make my ex-husband happy, nothing, NOTHING, that I did would change that. His happiness was not in my control. It was NOT my job. I tried to do everything I could to keep him happy so that he wouldn't leave. But he left anyway.
The lesson for me was that it wasn't my fault. The only apology I need to give is to the woman I was last year who wanted so badly to know what she could have done differently to make him stay. The woman I criticized for not making him happy enough. I will continue to endeavor to stop apologizing for every little thing. It's time.
Life changes a lot for us after 40. After the kids are gone. After divorce. After the job is over. After the breakup. After the illness. Life is changing all of the time. And it is going so fast. Making the 100 List is a way to snapshot and notice all of the things that you are doing and/or want to do in your life. Add things that you dream of but also add things that you want to notice. Another item on my list: "Getting outside every day" - most days I do this, but not always. Having it on my list helps me to notice that I haven't been outside today so that I'll get up and go out for a walk at work. Checking in with that list regularly helps me plan and prioritize things that are important to me and make them happen. Otherwise, the year will disappear and I will wonder what happened.
I recommend this idea for anyone. It's not like New Year's Resolutions. It's bigger than that, and in my opinion, something that is more doable for us because it helps us focus on what we are looking forward to in 2025 and beyond. Consider it to be your "Second Wind List." It's your time now. Why not find what you want to do and what you want to focus on for this next phase of your life?!
My 2024 List is here: Shawna's 100 List 2024 - Feel free to take a copy of it (it's a google doc, so let me know if you need help with it) and make it your own. There are some things that I wanted to track in a separate tool (I used Notion) so that I could document the individual item, like "Go to a concert etc once per month" - I made a separate list of which show I went to and with whom so that I would have the memory/record of it. Also, It doesn't have to be 100 things - just take some time and space to determine what you want from your Second Wind. It's your life, LIVE it!
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